


Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time

by gaymumbling



Series: Death of a Bachelor [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Mostly Fluff, Songfic, alcohol mention, alcohol use, in which dan drags phil to a flat party at uni
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 05:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6643531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaymumbling/pseuds/gaymumbling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Come on man, there’s no such thing as getting out of hand. This is a college party. We’re all adults. It’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>based on dont threaten me with a good time by panic! at the disco</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time

“I heard there’s a party at my old dorm,” Dan said, laying on Phil’s bed with his head in his lap.

“You do realise you’re not going right? There’s no reason for you to be there,” Phil answered. “You literally officially dropped out two weeks ago.”

“Well yeah, but still. We can think of it as a going away party.”

“If you think I’m going, you’ve got another thing coming,” Phil said, pushing Dan off his legs. Dan sat up.

“Why not? Are you saying it’s inappropriate for me to bring my  _ boyfriend _ to my own going-away-from-college party?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. I’m staying here, and so are you. You can’t just show up at your old dorm for a night and never go back. As far as I’m concerned, you shouldn’t even know this party is happening,” Phil said with finality in his voice.

“It  _ is  _ a couple days from now. We can still change our minds.”

That basically meant that Dan wasn’t having it. He really wanted to go to that party, although he’d been to a couple in the past and didn’t like them at all. Although, that was before he met Phil.

///

“I mean it, Dan, I’m not going to that silly party.”

“Come on, it will be fun! It’s just a little college party. It’s not like it’s a flat party.”

“Trust me, I’ve been to uni. There’s no such thing as a ‘little college party’ and you know I know that.”

“Fine,” Dan said with mock dejection.

“Now stop moping, you’re not a baby-”

“-Which is why you should go with me. If I were a baby I couldn’t handle this party, now could I?”

“If you’re trying to make a point, you’re going to have to work harder than that,” Phil teased.

He had to admit, he  _ did _ want to see Dan at a flat party. That could be interesting.

“Either way, there’s going to be some crazy stuff there. I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Phil added.

“Come on man, there’s no such thing as getting out of hand. This is a college party. We’re all adults. It’ll be  _ fine _ ,” Dan said, for what seemed like the hundredth time in two days.

“But, there’ll be lots of dangerous things. Five thousand people with designer drugs. That’s a lot of drugs, hon.”

“What do you think this is, the entire student population? There will most definitely not be five thousand people there.”

At this point, Dan was just countering everything Phil said, but be was admittedly kind of scared. Sure he’d been to a couple of parties before, but this one would be “the best damn party in the history of parties I’ve thrown,” according to whoever was hosting. Dan couldn’t be bothered to remember. He knew where it would be, and that’s all that mattered.

“Okay, but what about all of the alcohol?”

“I can handle a couple of drinks, Phil.”

“You know what, fine. Fine! We can go! Let me know when we’re leaving.”

///

It was the day of the party, and Dan was, at this point, equally nervous and excited. He wanted to have a good time, but also didn’t want to get too riled up and disappoint Phil.

On the walk to the party, Phil was still trying to convince Dan it was a bad idea.

“Why can’t you see that isn’t working?” Dan asked, waving his arms in the air around Phil. “We are literally walking to the party. It’s pretty much decided that we’re going.”

“I don’t know,” Phil said, stopping in his tracks. “I’m just worried for you. I feel like I’m supposed to be looking out for you but I can’t if  _ I’m _ more afraid of what’s going on than  _ you _ are.”

“Don’t worry, Phil, you don’t really have to do that. I know I’m younger but that doesn’t mean I can’t survive a little party. Please-not to be rude-but please just chill out a bit.”

Phil didn’t know what to say. Of course, he knew it would get him nowhere to try and baby Dan like that, but he just... cared too much, damn it.

“Please, for me?” Dan asked, stepping forward when Phil didn’t answer.

“Okay, okay, we can go. Just stay away from the crazies, okay?”

“I’ll try.”

The rest of the walk was made in silence, with Dan trying to lose the anxiety that the promise of a couple hundred people in a room caused, and Phil reminding himself that Dan could handle a bit of alcohol and a party.

///

Even if Dan hadn’t known which dorm the party was in, they could have easily figured it out what with the loud music and flashy lights coming out of the building in front of them. The door was propped open with a 12-pack of beer - classy - and the two of them slipped through it and made their way to the main living space. Most everyone was in the kitchen making drinks, so it was relatively quiet where they sat on the couch.

“So, ah, do you want me to grab you a drink then?” Dan whisper-yelled over the music.

“If you could find the stuff for a margarita that would be nice.”

“I’m sure there’s plenty. Sit tight, I’ll be right back.”

Dan walked off to get Phil his drink and Phil settled into the sofa. He decided that the party wouldn’t be too bad.

“Heeey Phil! Here’s your drink!” Dan yelled as he walked closer to him. Great. He was already intoxicated.

“Dan, what did you drink while you were in there?” Phil asked, truly concerned.

“Oh nothing, just a li’l sip of Malibu,” Dan replied. “Nothing that I can’t handle.”

Dan sat down very close to Phil and handed him the margarita.

“Hope ya like it.”

“Thanks,” Phil replied, taking a sip. “Oh my god Dan, this is strong.”

“Yeah, I might have gotten a li’l carried away. If you want I could help you with that,” Dan replied, giggling a bit, and reached for the cup.

“Woah, woah, no, Dan, it’s alright I can handle it.” Phil quickly said pulling his cup out of Dan’s reach, and taking a sip to prove his point.

The party went on pretty uneventful, until Dan wandered back to the kitchen when Phil was chatting with a girl whom he found out was an English major, like himself. As Dan slipped off the couch, Dan muttered about how much of a nerd you actually have to be to strike up a conversation about Shakespeare at a flat party.

Phil was halfway through an engrossing conversation about English major-y things when he realised that Dan was missing. He quickly apologised to the girl and made his way through the throngs of people and into the kitchen.

He was met by a rather drunk Dan chatting with someone who must have been rather interesting because he didn’t notice Phil standing there until he stopped him from pouring himself another drink.

“Heeayy again Phil!” Dan said, punctuated by a kiss on his cheek. His hair was all messed up and his face was flushed a light shade of pink but he didn’t seem to care.

“Dan? How much have you had to drink?”

“Oh, y’know, just one or two cups of this stuff,” he said, motioning to the Malibu bottle.

“Dan, that bottle is nearly empty. Are you sure that’s not all because of you?”

“Yeah, ‘f course I’m sure, silly. I’m not the ooonly person at this party who likes their rum strong.”

“Sure, sure, okay, sorry to interrupt your lovely conversation but I think we’re heading back to the living room and away from the liquor.” He began to steer Dan through the door of the kitchen.

“Phil,” Dan whispered close to his ear, “I gotta use the ba’room.”

Phil sighed and set a course to the bathroom, which was down the hall behind the living room.

Once they were safely locked inside, Phil helped Dan sit on the countertop and calm down.

“No, you need to understand that you can’t just drink like this,” he said when he tried to protest. “Now, you and I are going to stay in this room until I decide we can leave. All you need at this moment is to calm down, and no more alcohol.”

Dan agreed but on the basis that he could use the toilet first.

///

Five minutes passed in silence as Dan sat on the bathroom countertop and Phil stood in front of the door.

“Phil, I think I can handle going back out there now,” Dan said slowly.

“Okay, but I mean it when I say no more booze.”

“Woah, wow, okay. I’ll have you know, I’m not as think as you drunk I am,” Dan said, and all Phil could do was laugh and press a kiss to Dan’s alcohol saturated lips.

**Author's Note:**

> heyhey sorry for being so absent i just hadn't gotten the next one written yet and i dont like posting a new part of a series without at least one or two to fall back on when, inevitably, i get lazy and don't write. thanks to everyone who stuck around for the two months i was gone, and welcome to any new readers! i hope you enjoyed! stay tuned next for the next installment of the doab series: the good, the bad, and the dirty......
> 
> as always hit me up at joe-tro.tumblr.com and thanks to my betas, instnce and roxys-scarfs on tumblr (check them out too ;))


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